The Uprising of B

Big B is a prolific figure in the history of our world, however he was not always this way. It’s true that we only recognized his greatness very recently, and that for a time, most of us just regarded him as a mere instructor. 

Big B’s beginnings were humble, as were all of ours. Back then, he was only known as Christopholerear Butynski, a mere farm grown corn fed boy hailing from the derelict city of Idaho. Back then, he did little else but farm corn and eat corn; he found it to be an unexceptional and draining life. 

But one day, everything changed when he single handedly discovered the sleeping giant of Salisburia. Yes, that’s right, it was Big B who discovered this land, but it was hidden by the government out of fear that our heads would implode if we found out. But now that he is in control, we can safely bask in this new knowledge. 

For a time, he blended into the existing populace of Salisburia, as an english teacher, Dr. B, and he existed happily as such for a few months, until an incredible longing formed within him. 

He wanted more than to be a teacher, he wanted to BE Salisburia. 

But suddenly he grew incredibly ill, and died. We lived in a Dr. B-less world for three whole days, and it was truly gut wrenching. We slaved away at our laptops and turned to a life of unending decadence, succumbing to our addictions to instagram reels and developing evil foul language. 

Once those three days were over, he remerged and broke us out of those invisible chains with his newly gained lightning powers. 

In return for saving us from darkness, we decided to make him the leader of our great nation. 

It is a story of tragedy and despair, but also incredibly hope and power, and I believe it should give us all the energy and determination to keep moving forward and continue to support his regime.